comic: the first one is always a surprise

Look, we all do it okay?

The first time a guy hears his woman fart is always something he remembers. When it happens he thinks to himself: "Oh dear Lord... who is this monster and where did my sweetie go?"

It is an important milestone, I believe a very positive step in the relationship. It shows that we're both human. It can sometimes be very uncomfortable though depending on what the girl ate the meal before.

Somewhere along the way we came up with gender-specific names for various bodily functions, and women always seemed to be underrepresented. For example: men perspire while women glow or glisten.

It was in my experience of my now wife’s first fart in front of me that I learned a new one: the toot. Apparently men pass gas, we fart, we rip one, but for women, they toot. It's always billed as "a little toot", like it's the most dainty and cutest thing of all.

Well ladies, it's not. It's just as bad as guys okay? For some of you, it's even worse. So stop selling yourselves short, and maybe give us some fair warning.

note: my wife is requiring me to add that in her defense she was going through a bout of Giardia and "couldn't help it".