Steve Jobs

On my last flight from Philly to Salt Lake City, I watched the Steve Jobs movie with Michael Fassbender that was released last year. I was initially very excited about it before it came out, but was then disappointed to see/read all of the lukewarm reviews. I never ended up watching it in theaters, but I've always been curious about it.

Four-and-a-half hours of flight time on my hands seemed like the perfect opportunity to satisfy that curiosity.

I liked it, I'll get that right out of the way. I thought it was a good movie, well acted, great dialog, and overall an enjoyable experience.

Steve Jobs the man (more likely the myth given how many stories swirl around about him), is such a fascinating figure to me. He represents these incredible qualities, many of which are so directly opposite of how I operate.

The primary one however I can distill down to this:

Steve Jobs was decisive, he knew what he wanted and drove (sometimes too hard) towards his vision of how the world should be.

I struggle with knowing what I want, and even when I know what I want, I try to accommodate everyone to make sure my desires don't inconvenience others too much.

I've always admired decisive people, they seem to lack the entire social/relational matrix that exists in my head that I attempt to filter every decision through.

Here is how I imagine the decision process exists for these decisive people:

I want this -> I'm changing the world around me to bring that about.

Here is my process:

I want this (I think) -> Is that a "good/right" thing to want? -> Who can help me figure out if what I want is really what I want, and if what I want is "okay"? -> Alright I think I know what I want, but who is it going to affect and how? -> Okay I think I have that figured out -> You know I don't really need it, I'm actually okay with whatever anybody else wants, I'm just go with the flow -> Boy I wished I had just done the thing I wanted... next time... next time.

It can be EXHAUSTING! I feel burdened with doing the "right" thing, and making the "right" choice, often to the point of inaction. I'm not sure what false sense of importance I must have to think that my decisions are so important that my being "right" is so crucial to the world.

I've spent the last several of my adult years trying to undo this behavior by getting in touch with what I want and then simply acting on it.

I'm taking baby steps, trying to remove the words "probably" and "maybe" from my vocabulary, voicing my desires when asked, and learning to listen to that small voice inside that knows what it wants.

How about you, do you consider yourself a decisive person?